April 3, 2005

Google Alert: Oriental Rugs

I’ve been using the free Google Alert email service for some time now, tracking any references to my name, to ‘brokenenglish’ or ‘Oriental rugs’ that pop up on the web, as and when they pop.

As certain things will, the daily Google Alert emails have become both a simple pleasure and a crucial aspect of my online life, keeping me effortlessly up-to-date on new sites and whatnot connected with my work, my ego and my blog, while simultaneously bolstering my fragile sense of identity - and mapping its encroaching theft.

In the embryonic, Ur-0f-the-Chaldees, Piltdown phase of web civilisation, frequent searches via the then supreme Yahoo were all that was needed to show that the only other Iain Stewart of any consequence or cyber-visibility was an MA (Oxon.) and PhD (London) Professor of Computer Science who had been astute enough (i.e. was lucky enough) to corner the market in ‘Iain Stewart’ SERP listings from the outset, by means of his pioneering blog-like record of personal intellectual growth and mounting public esteem definitively entitled Iain Stewart’s Home Page. By the simple expedient of such a text-dense algorithm of HTML purity - which any rightfully embittered SEO consultant can tell you will always succeed where other far more brilliant, devious, inspired, costly or otherwise desperate ploys will just as invariably fail - this vaunting and cocksure uber-doktor of academe could always be found intractably straddling the heady summit of any ‘Iain Stewart’ search exploit you cared to undertake, where indeed it has ensured he could and would be found always and for ever after, (may his bookwormed flesh melt in the toxic fire of his torched publications, when the time comes as it must when he is called to account before the cosmic committee for the realignment of unfair Google rankings, may the Lords of Teoma be praised) .

But as the First Epoch of the Web reached its cataclysmic nemesis in the wimpers of the dot-com big bang, and we segued into the CSS-cooled pastures of Epoch 2, our old human ways rapidly gave way to whatever advances in machine intelligence or smart functionality we could lay our hands on for nothing, as the exponential nature of the beast kicked in more and more. So it was around this exhausted time I signed up with Google Alert, as the only way to keep tabs on the other Iain Stewarts now appearing on the block, flotsam and jetsam deposited from roaring information tsunami, their fingers in every available pie, who began to join up with me and the Professor.

All of which merely leads into the setting up of a trial Trackback with Google Alert in order that new sites and references to - why not? - Oriental rugs (ever ready as a test case for anything vaguely shady) can henceforth be seamlessly brought into the kaleidoscopic brokenenglish landscape, as and where they arise.

So here we go.

Posted by Iain Stewart at 5:51 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
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